Do Come Home

Atithi devo bhava! This Sanskrit phrase translates to “Guests are next to God,” and it wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that it is synonymous with the Indian culture. Well, but having guests over when you live outside of India holds a very different meaning.

Growing up in India, I had guests at my house more frequently than I caught a cold (IYKYK). Living in a joint family meant that one was never alone. In addition to a large extended family, everyone had their own set of friends whom they definitely wanted to invite. However, there was a certain sense of ease which accompanied every action, chore and doing then. 

I saw my mother constantly balance her roles as a mother and a daughter-in-law With three generations living under one roof, my mother, as the woman of the house, always strived to maintain a level equilibrium between me and my brother on one side and my grandparents on the other.

Things in the West are marginally different. The whole idea of having people over at your place is met with a sense of stress and burden. Everything you do to accommodate your guests and make them feel comfortable is viewed more as a chore. 

During my daily walk a few days ago, I spoke to my friend here in Singapore, a local, about how I skipped my walks when we had guests over, since there was no help. In her casual element, she stated that Indians are a “rare breed that is dependent and spoiling the other communties.” I glanced at her and wondered about what she meant by “wrong precedence”: having guests over or the Indian system of hiring house-help. Looking at my puzzled face, she smirked and mentioned, “Why do you need guests when you already worship so many Gods.” As my expression started resembling an “IDK” face, my Indian mother called to say Bai finally paachi desh mathi aavi gayi aaje.

2 a.m. Shenanigans

I’m currently in that phase of life where my age hits me every day. On some days, I feel like I want to conquer the world and, on some, I feel like I can’t take it in any more. Thr former gives me hope that, with my age, I can reign in my youthfulness. The latter pushes me towards taking it easy or, in short, just accept just stay on the couch all day and procrastinate. 

It’s one again that time of the day when my eyes can barely stay open. If you didn’t know, I usually tend to sleep around 2:15 a.m. Not one to boast about staying true to my commitments on the blog front, at least in the last few weeks, sleep (bed) beckons at the moment. Before  I sail through in my dreamland, clutching my niece’s favourite pink pillow, here’a a reminder that time is running. So, better take your taking your chance(s) now. Okay now, good bye. 

Cream, Crunch and Challenges

When the going gets tough, the tough gets going. Whosoever spoke these golden words certainly epitomized and lived by the virtues of patience and endurance. But how long should you endure toughness and exercise your will power?

One of the easiest ways to slide your heart into some of the richest carriers of calories is to park yourself in front of a screen and binge on the myriad colours of M&M's, Lindt, Lay's and Doritos. As someone who is blessed with the natural talent of attracting kilograms with the mere smell of fats, I can boast about spending upwards of one lakh Indian rupees in my lifetime on satiating my salt and sugar cravings. Choosing between maintaining a healthy weight and this calorific combination of crunchiness and creaminess is where most of my life's challenges lie.

For a long time now, I have struggled to keep my obsession with chocolates and chips in control.  These two big C's have ruled my appetite for a good part of the last decade and a half. Many of you who know me know that I'm often in the sometimes-on-and-sometimes-off mode when it comes to my sugar consumption. A few months ago, I also tried to completely cut off chocolate desserts from my diet. To give you an idea, I can easily relish 3 to 4 tablespoons of Nutella alone in one go, and still feel the temptation to scoop out the same amount again. Considering the extent of my sugar appetite, successfully eliminating sugary cocoa from my diet was no mean feat for me. However, I got back to galloping desserts and chocolates soon after the sabbatical. 

In the case of chips, no matter how hard I try to stay off Lay's, Doritos or my favourite yellow banana wafers, I have rarely ever gone more than a couple of weeks without feeling like I can eat a dozen packets of these chips right now. Ultimately, I always end up falling in the trap of guilt eating and sending condolences to my diet.

Despite having a more-than-average understanding about nutrition and healthy food options, I continue to struggle with implementing the idea of mind over matter. Just a little secret here I didn't intend to share, but sharing anyway, I have recently started following my self-imposed plan of one dessert and one cheat snack per week, to prevent any withdrawal binges. I'm hopeful I'll be able to sustain it this time around. Please send across your positive thoughts. And shh...don't share this with anyone as yet!

Can't Stop! Won't Stop!

 It’s 2:21 a.m. right now in Singapore. So technically, it’s already Friday, but I always mark a new day after I wake up in the morning. Except for on birthdays. And anniversaries. It’s just a way to make special occasions different from the rest and let the fun last longer.  

If you’re thinking about what makes me sit on my computer at such an unearthly hour, I’m trying to mask my procrastination skills under the garb of convenience and choice. It’s been three weeks since I decided to get back to writing regularly. I have planned to put up two posts a week for the blog, one on Tuesday and one on Thursday. While I have so far been able to stick to the schedule (um… almost!), the one thing I have realised, as a sort of confirmation, is that I’m not just a procrastinator, but a highly evolved one at that. And secondly, I’m a night owl who cringes at the thought of waking up to an alarm.

This blog has been my haven for a decade now. It’s what kept me going when the going got tough. It allows be to be my most vulnerable self while channelling my thoughts towards strengthening my inner voice. The last couple of years got me a little distant from this core space, thanks to moving to a different country and settling into the normalcy of marriage (yet another example of my procrastination skills).

This post is not just a random one aimed at keeping this space active, but also a reminder, to myself, about what writing means to me and the gratitude that fills me up when I see some of you keep on coming back to read my words. I may not always live up to your expectations or the reason why you choose to consume my writing, but the one thing I promise without any exaggeration is that every view on my blog just gives me a bigger reason to continue along this journey. For the little community of readers I have built. So, thank you.

 

Pushing Through Patriarchy

In the age of artificial intelligence and active attempts to colonize Mars, realizing that we still exist in a patriarchal society is more disorienting than seeing a super fit athlete frequently eating a diet of unhealthy food. Yet, the larger society continues to advance towards the next big thing with a leash on.

Patriarchy as a concept looks like a conveniently twisted ploy under the garb of nature’s law. Why else would the prehistoric practice or idea of men being hunters or food gatherers and women being nurturers or child-bearers in an uncivilized society mean that men are superior to women even in the 21^st century? This should rather be looked upon as a fine management of two complimenting resources in today’s leadership-driven world.

Today, especially in the Indian society, the participation of women in workforce has increased manifold. Kudos! Women are independent and, more importantly, women have started to find a voice that hold its own through many a storm. Yet, this alone is not enough to fight the patriarchal mindset.

One must remember that the larger goal is the acceptance of and respect towards everything that womanhood stands for. Whether a woman is a fully devoted mother or a top-ranking leader of a country, she must be regarded on equal grounds solely because she is as much a member of our society as anyone else.

For starters, patriarchy must first be tackled at a mental level before its physical manifestation. And we need both men and women to contribute collectively to see a change. After all, like Nobel Laureate Shirin Ebadi says, “Women are not just victims of this patriarchal society, but they are also its carriers. Let us keep in mind that every oppressive man was raised in the confines of his mother’s home.”

                                                                            

 

 

You Do You

 This seemingly uncomplicated phrase can well be the solution to some of the greatest our problems. It stands for how one should represent himself/herself in a way that best highlights everyone’s individual self.  

As of October 2024, the world population stands at 8.2 billion. With the human species sharing nearly 99.9% DNA, you can take any two people from two extreme ends of the world and still see that they will both bleed if they get a cut, or that they will both sweat in a place with a temperature of 50 degrees. Despite sharing almost all of our DNA with other human beings, the 0.1% difference stands to markedly distinguish one from the others.

With so many overlapping common traits, characteristics and features, there is a sense of fear, insecurity and competition. However, at the core of every human personality is the need for belonging and acceptance. Imagine if we all encouraged everyone to hold to their 0.1% variants and trust them to be the best with their individuality.

You do you. The world would be less insecure and judgemental, if we collectively tried to live by this saying. I emphasize the word “tried”, because an effort is all one ever needs. To make a difference. And such things usually need a more voluntary approach to see effect. Anything over and above that is a campaign.

So, are you ready to embrace the world with You do you?

 

 

Technology: Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow

 As an Indian millennial in the 21^st century, I proudly say, especially to the Gen Z folks, that I have been a part of both worlds – one where technology had a negligible role, and now, in a world where AI is already penetrating every sphere of human existence.

I grew up during a time when technology had little to no influence in my life. In the 90s, a computer in an Indian household was primarily used for three main things – Microsoft Word, Paint and Solitaire. Internet Explorer was largely unheard of up until the start of the millennium. Back then, having a computer meant that reserving a considerable section of your room to fit the big dabba that came with the monitor and a CPU, which had the capacity to get as hot as a burning oven and sounding like a breathless rat in no time. There was also a full-size keyboard, which often went into the table drawer along with a moody mouse and its wholesome wire. If you also had a printer, you easily sacrificed a third of an average-size room.

My family first bought a handset when I was 12. A Nokia 6610i (oh, so nostalgic!), the six-inch device got everyone around us, including our extended family, talking and asking to see it with a sense of wonderment. What was meant to be my father’s handset was used by six people, with more than half the people (read: children) hooked on the only game on the phone - Bounce. For your reference, some of the keys on the phone became stuck just within the first few weeks of getting the phone, which resulted in a complete ban on the game and a whole lot of pleas and crocodile tears.

It's been 20 years since the early days of Internet Explorer. As I look back on my life and the years gone by, I can easily chart the evolution of technology, year on year, just like the way I’m able to analyse my own trajectory. We are at an age when the reference to technology sounds as yesteryear as the early days of television sets and telephones. 20 years hence, same would be the case with artificial intelligence, but the one thing that is likely to remain same through the constant state of evolution is the ability to compare where we were and where we are. And that, hopefully, is enough to add that little spark to our existence.

 

My Journey to Self-Discovery

A months after my 23^rd birthday, I channeled my innate feelings and unspoken thoughts for the first time, only to experience liberation. While many think of this kind of an outpour to be an introvert’s resort, I believe every human carries the need, or the want, for a safe space. A place to just be.

While some may find this space in the company of people who get them, some may find it in the comfort of music or sports, or even meditation, among other things. I started a blog in December 2016. Imagine the nervousness of being a student and walking into a new classroom without knowing any of your classmates. During the first few months, every time I hit “Publish” on my screen, my state of mind was akin to being an out-of-place student.

Soon enough, putting pen to paper soon became my haven. As my words unleashed a torrent of emotions, all the anxiety, fear and confusion suddenly found a way out. A mere exercise of journalling my thoughts started feeling like catharsis. I had just found my safe space.

 8 years down the line, a few lakh words, several professional writing assignments and a degree in Creative Writing later, the motive behind coming back to the keyboard remains the same. With every new writing task, I’m still a student walking into a new classroom, except that now this student has discovered her voice and can hold her own in a crowd.

 

 

Kanda Poha and a Hazelnut Cappuccino

 A few years ago, a peer of mine once told me that people who leave their countries to live in another country, even if it is for as short a period as a year or two, always lead dual lives. Back then, I found this statement to be quite blatant and unfounded, but that may well be the truth.

My life in India was comfortable as it could get, like is the case with most Indian kids who live their parents. If you are a single child living with your family, then you can easily find yourself in the category of privileged kids. And more so, if are your mother’s ladla beta. While I don’t belong to any of these categories, I was free from any household responsibilities. Not only was I never expected to cook, but I also often enjoyed fully prepared meals of my choice. Seeing my crumpled clothes in the laundry basket magically appear in my cupboard the next day, fully ironed, was a reality. No matter what time I woke, the maid would be quick to make the bed. Getting champis from my mother or hearing my dad’s voice fill up with concern, while he strokes my head most gently, are some add-ons to a life of all the things I enjoyed in India.

Two years ago, I left India to live in Singapore. It’s no guess that my life changed to a very large extent. I’ve pretty much adjusted myself to my current life out of India, with a few bouts of homesickness here and there.  My definition of comfort has seen a huge shift. Today, every simple, home-cooked meal holds a lot of value. Having someone over is so rare that, much unlike my reaction when the doorbell rings in India, I always answer the doorbell with a lot of anticipation. I never thought that the sight of a growing pile of laundry would get me anxious. Consequently, seeing my clothes washed, dried and folded comes with a big relief. There are several comforts on my current list that I’m leaving out for now.

Looking back on my life in India, I’m realise how I’m finding comfort in all the things I once took for granted. However, during the times when I feel like it’s all getting too much, all I do is eat a phulka roti dipped in a steaming-hot cup of Nescafe coffee to make everything all right.

Thirty-One For Real

 I turned 31 this September, and the old adage “Time and tide wait for none” has never seemed any truer than it does in this moment. I wonder if it’s just me, but I somehow find myself associating more and more with the age I’m no longer at.

The thirties are generally the defining decade of your life, or so I’ve heard. Be it flourishing in your career, growing your family, or being old enough to be called a responsible man or woman, this fourth decade of life honestly makes me feel a little too overwhelmed. It’s sort of hilarious to see myself desperately looking into the mirror and saying. “I look 28 or maybe 29 at best, but certainly not 30 or more.” Simultaneously, my inner voice eerily tries to soothe my anxiety by reminding me that age is just a number. However, I’m not yet ready to take this, because adulting is real and I ain’t comfortable enough to accept that my mum was already a mother of two at my age.

As I reflect on the years that have gone by, my biggest realisation is that time is a thief. A big, bad wolf kind of a thief. Under the garb of growth, it has swiped off my childhood and thousands of precious moments with my loved ones, which I held onto as tightly as I could, only in vain. It has often managed to change my good times into bad. The evil force that time is, it has compelled my once youthful and energetic individuals to slow down, as they now lead their lives as senior citizens. If this is not enough, time has stripped me of the presence of some of my most beloved people, all while relegating them to mere memories.

At this point, I’m pondering over whether I’m more resistant to change than the idea of time itself. My current battle is more about trying to fight the anxiety that comes with the fear of tomorrow than about the past which is not the same as the present. And it is the hope that comes with the anxiety towards a future, which makes the race against time worth it.