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| Happiness lies in equality |
Have you wondered how rapidly the relevance of ‘feminism’ has surged in the Indian cultural context in the last decade, and moreover in the past 5 years? The outcry of women empowerment and the need to give them the respect and honour that had been evading the Indian woman does quite a bit to question the status of women before the sudden ‘awareness’ wave came about. Every other person wants to talk into showing how he/she is pro women’s rights. On my part, I feel a better way to deal with the ill mentality towards women and their status in the society is by looking in the face of all the challenges and barriers that face us, to collectively upgrade the framework of an Indian woman. Asking someone to respect us is an obligation, which does not serve the real purpose in the long run. Women deserve respect.
I had envisioned my adult life when I was just a little girl, dancing around and making merry, while many people around slotted me as a doll who would grow up one day to become her husband’s responsibility. Like many, I have often reveled in the joy of seeing a future that presents an advanced and glorified version of myself. While some of us restrict our greatness to a dreamy vision, very few go on to actually embody the person we have imagined ourselves to be. ‘I’m not the one to accept dominance. I shall grow up to be a fearless, decisive and independent lady, who will command respect,’ I would often repeat to myself, upon the slightest provocation. As I grew older, I started relegating my future portrait to just my imagination. My reality soon started to look like the reality of the women around me. I almost felt like the frog whose bubble burst as soon as it stepped into the real world. All of this only signaled one thing - it was time to change my reality to do justice to the woman in me!
At first, it was imperative to accept that it was okay to not know everything, even the things that the society has associated with womanhood. The real challenge lied in understanding my strengths to my full potential. It was important to tell myself that it was okay to let out my emotions and cry once in a while, but it was not okay to let anyone tell me what I could and could not do. It meant that I had to train myself into accepting that if I am to be equal to a man, I must exempt men from all preconceived notions that be. And the exercise ought to be applied at the grassroots. It meant that it was okay to dress in short clothes, but it was not okay to think every man was misogynistic internally. It meant that it was okay to learn how to cook, but it was not okay to not do the ‘manly’ chores (read lifting luggage and taking ‘big’ decisions). It meant that it was okay to enjoy gossips, but it certainly was not okay to shy away from discussing menstruation and sanitary hygiene around males. It also meant that it was okay to be the only woman in a group of friends, but it was certainly not okay to label a man flirt and playboy if he is seen around women.
While we largely talk about the bigger acts that work to demean a woman’s self-worth and morality, let’s not forget that they all stem from notions and egos the society has firmly implanted. If the society must really change, at large, then it must learn to let a woman establish her own self-worth and find out her real identity, apart from being a mother, sister, wife and daughter. Do not forget she is a human being, first. Everything else is secondary. And this journey must start right from the time she is born. Give her the freedom to do the same things her brother does. Let her make her own choices and lead the life she deems fit for herself. Instead of protecting for the fear that she might not be able to fight her battles, emphasize the importance of supporting her own living. Teach her how to drive a car before you generalize women’s driving. Make her strong enough to wipe her own tears and continue facing her fears and challenges. Compliment her strengths and skills instead of marveling at her beauty. Don’t fill the canvas of her life only with shades of pink. Let her choose the colours she wants to fill her life with. This will teach her to respect and experience the diversity of life. The only time we can proudly call ourselves feminists is when all women are born as equals, while growing up to think that there is no other way of life.
