“Smart, wise, independent, decisive and well-educated. I’m lucky to have daughters who are capable of being all of that,” said Harjeet Nehwal, every time someone from his family or village showed him sympathy for being a father of five daughters. “Poor father! He would have to empty his fortunes to get his five daughters married,” the people of Ladwa often exclaimed, when they met Mr Nehwal.
Located in the Indian state of Haryana, Ladwa is a village in the Hisar district. Four generations of the Nehwal family had lived in the two-storey bungalow that Mr Nehwal and his family, including his mother and the families of his two brothers lived in. Meera, who was the eldest daughter of Harjeet Nehwal and his wife, Rama, was a favorite with her parents. With a soft, kind and down-to-earth demeanour, she was very sensitive to the needs and rights of those that were helpless or lacked a voice in the society. The five Nehwal sisters got along like a house on fire. If the three older ones were mature and pacific, the youngest two were flamboyant and uninhibited. “You must stop picking up a fight with every other vendor. I’m sure you don't want to sell your parents’ shame and dignity,” Meera often told her youngest sister when they would venture out for shopping.
“Being a part of a family that has five daughters, we are well aware about how partial India is towards the men of the country, forget Ladwa. There was a time when the women of this village were not allowed to step out of their house, alone. Unmarried girls were frightened in the name of marriage. At once, child marriages had become rampant so much so that girls were stopped from going to school almost completely for the fear of ending up being more educated than her future husband. I have the example of my own mother who was married off at the age of fifteen by her parents, who believed that it wasn't safe to keep a daughter unmarried once she hits puberty. Fortunately, I have a father who has stood up for his daughters’ rights and tried to inculcate a sense a freedom and independence, which is very integral to the dignity of a woman. And this has got a lot to do with his education among other factors. Today, our women have made significant progress. A lot of women have also tried to raise their voice against the practice of dowry. They have rejected proposals from men, altogether, who have asked for it. The generation of women that is educated is well aware of the repercussions of this social practice. And the only way we can continue to further our fight for women’s equality is by empowering ourselves through education. Our fight is against patriarchy, and don't forget that women are equally responsible for its existence,” Meera said, while addressing a gathering of two-fifty-odd women at an event for women’s empowermen..
A senior railway official, Harjeet Nehwal always kept himself busy during his free time. One of the things that was closest to his heart was teaching the kids who had no access to education. With the support from a few of his colleagues and friends, he had founded a school, which had children of the peons at his workplace, poor farmers and widows apart from orphaned children. The school, which had close to one-hundred students enrolled in it, was run with the help of local teachers. Mr Harjeet and some of his friends made a contribution to the annual funds of the school to run it efficiently. Meera, who played an active role in the development of the school often had long conversations with her father about the future of the school and how they could come up with different ways to get more children, who were out of school, to study. The two were often immersed in conversations ranging from disparity between genders and Meera’s thoughts on marriage to choosing the right life partners for each of the five daughters of Mr Harjeet Nehwal. “I’m glad I have been able to contribute to the society in my own little way with this school. I hope you and your sisters will continue to nurture what enriches so many lives after my passing away,” Mr Nehwal would confide in Meera during these long conversations.
The Nehwal household was always buzzing with guests. In villages and small towns and cities, guests and neighbours love to pour in without any prior intimation. Typically joint families, the number of people living in a house is almost three to four times more than that of the people living in nuclear families. The Nehwal household was one such family, where guests and friends always dropped in to say a quick hello before leaving for work or spent an afternoon chit-chatting with the ladies. The oldest member of the house, Mr Harjeet Nehwal’s mother, often hosted sessions of satsang in the afternoons, with 30-40 women in the house. The women were always served with snacks and refreshments. Indian families consider guests to be equal to gods. And a chance to serve guests or outsiders is happily grabbed. “Aren’t y'all planning to get Meera married? She is already 21,” guests, who came to the Nehwal household, often asked. Meera’s grandmother would end up turning her face around to ignore taunts or questions pertaining to Meera’s marriage. Some would also comment saying “Education seems to have given her the freedom to do what she wants to do without caring about her family’s reputation and stature in the society. Some of the well-educated girls have also gone against the wishes of their family and eloped with boys they were in love with. You never know what these girls can do.”
The Nehwal household was quite liberal as compared to the other orthodox families in the village. At a time when women were making progress in different areas of life, the elders in the family didn't want to restrict their daughters to the confines of their house. The women of their generation and of the previous generations had suffered a great deal of injustice and inequality, and they strongly felt that education was the only way out of that rut. For them, there was no better solution than education and the freedom to make a choice for themselves to put an end to the miseries of the women. Meera was always a bright student throughout her school and college life. Witnessing her talent and inclination towards studies, her parents willingly sent her to one of the more reputed colleges in Lucknow after she finished schooling. It was after she moved to Lucknow that she realized that she was one of the very few women from Ladwa who had got an opportunity to pursue higher studies.
As bright, passionate and dedicated as Meera was when it came to academics, she could easily impress people with her grace and charm. With an attitude that did not allow her to compromise on her beliefs and values, her goal in life was clear - to uplift the status of women through education. Sumit, who studied with Meera in Lucknow, was quite fascinated with the clarity Meera lived her life with. Sumit, unlike the typical males in his family, echoed quite the same thoughts as Meera. He and Meera were very active on the cultural scene in their college. They, among other participants, often waited back after college hours preparing for various events, as a result of which they interacted quite frequently with each other. They often ended up discussing their immediate plans after they graduated from college. If Meera’s plan was to go back to her village to support her father’s school, Sumit planned to study further, after which he wished to expand his father’s business in Lucknow.
Once Meera came back to Ladwa, she wasted no time to assist her father in running his school. She ensured that all the girls in her village went to school by going to every house and convincing the parents of the girls to send their daughters to school. Over the three years that Meera spent in Lucknow, she had developed a close bond with Sumit. With both of them being on the same page on most of the things, their friendship had only grown stronger through the years. At once, Sumit had shown interest in getting married to Meera. “I always thought I wouldn't ever find a girl who is a personification of wit, grace, elegance, diligence and determination and shows sensitivity towards every individual being. At times, I feel like a social outcast, because what I look for in a woman is very different from what most men look for in a woman. We have failed to look at women beyond their beauty and complexion. Her importance has been restricted at a superficial level. My own father married my mother because she came from a rich family and, according to him, there was nothing he could have asked for more than the beauty and fairness of his wife. I would never want my wife to be relegated to the position of most women in the Indian society. I find you to be the perfect representative of the woman I would wish to marry,” Sumit had once stated to Meera. Although Meera was quite hesitant about making her feelings about Sumit vocal, she liked being in his company and shared most of the secrets of her life with him. “I don't want to get distracted at this point. I don't want to disappoint my parents with any love relationship. I think we should give some time to each other to sort out our priorities,” she had told Summit.
It had been a year since Meera had returned home to Ladwa. Harjeet Nehwal was happy to see Meera almost taking over the reins of running the school from him. He could now proudly call his daughter all of what he had hoped for - smart, wise, independent, decisive and well-educated. One day, after Meera returned from the school, she was pleasantly surprised with a call from Sumit. It had been a long time since the two of them had spoken to each other. “Guess what, I’m coming to Ladwa next week. I’m going to be in Delhi for four days, following which I shall be coming to Ladwa for a day,” Sumit exclaimed. Meera reciprocated the excitement and said, “This is quite a surprise. I hope it isn't a joke. You will finally get to see Ladwa; the village whose stories I have harassed you with during our time in college. I shall be waiting for you.”
Sumit arrived at the Nehwal household early in the morning. Harieet Nehwal was very happy to welcome Sumit. “Hello, beta. I have heard a lot about you from Meera. She told us how you helped her with your constant company during her three years in Lucknow. I’m sure you must be tired from all the traveling you've done over the last one week. Please consider this your own house, and feel free to ask for anything you need,” he said to Sumit. Meera’s family was equally hospitable and left no stone unturned to make him feel at home. Meera took him to the school she was running and spoke about how she planned to make it bigger. The two couldn't stop talking about old times. It seemed as if they wanted to freeze in the moment and just go on talking. “Your priorities better seem sorted, now,” Sumit jokingly exclaimed. Sporting a puzzled look on Meera’s face, Sumit stated, “Do you remember saying that we must give time to each other to sort out our priorities. You and I are doing reasonably well, now. Its time we figured out if we wish to take this friendship to another level. I would love to spend the rest of my life with you. I can only imagine my future with you. And I promise to always support you in all your endeavours. Would you marry me?” With a blushing face and a tinge of coyness, Meera said, “I hope this wasn't a joke.”
The morning of the next day saw Meera officially declaring her interest in getting married to Sumit to her family. The liberal-minded and supportive family that the Nehwal household was, they showed no reluctance towards Meera’s choice. Harjeet Nehwal, like always, showed unwavering faith in Meera’s decision and assured her of making a good choice with Sumit. Soon thereafter, the Nehwal household was buzzing with excitement and started preparing for their wedding. Sumit’s parents were called to Ladwa, following which they performed a ring ceremony. It was the first time in Meera and Sumit’s families that a wedding was taking place without any exchange of dowry. Meera’s cousins and neighbours, who had once subjected Harjeet Nehwal and his wife for being ill-fated with five daughters, now congratulated the proud father, who had raised a gem. And while Sumit and Meera couldn't stop smiling at all the guests, that evening saw the village of Ladwa make huge progress. “I don't want your guests to pity me for not getting anything. They must know that you're quite a handful,” Sumit said to Meera with a big grin on his face.
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