Thursday 14 July 2016

Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.

It was a bright, sunny day. The weather was just perfect. The ferry that took the passengers to see the Statue of Liberty had just started. Every view from the ferry was scenic and magnanimous. The sound of the water was enough to soothe my anxious nerves. While everybody was engrossed in animated discussions, and looked gung-ho about seeing the iconic statue, up close, my mind kept going to my college admission status and whether I would get admission into the stream I had applied for. Life, till the tenth grade, was seamless, living under the shadow of my parents. Opting for a career, when the naivety levels were at its peak, made a classic example of preparing to fail. On my way back, after touring around the statue, a much awaited news was broken to me. It was a news that would eventually alter the course of my life. My admission was secured in a junior college that would lead me to pursue engineering at the degree level. My mental exasperation had come to an end with the development. The journey ahead offered its own share of pressure and exhaustion, combined with my resistance to accept what was to be.


''Ohm's law deals with the relationship between voltage and current in an ideal conductor. This relationship states that: The potential voltage difference across an ideal conductor is proportional to the current through it,'' said Professor Dinesh in the middle of a Physics practical class. The watch showed ten minutes past 4 p.m., and the class was going to end at 4:30 p.m. I was looking around the class and fidgeting with a pen. I just wanted the class to end. After I was home, I could barely stop thinking about my Physics practical class. I couldn't understand why my attention kept drifting from what was going on in the class. I was clearly not on the same page as the rest of the class. "This is not where I want to be," I told myself. For the first time in my life I had felt so lost. Everything was going on at a fast pace; but, sooner or late, putting a brake on something that I was never cut out for was inevitable. Soon, studies started becoming a burden. On the one hand was the lure of a promising career in Science, and on the other hand was a calling that I could no longer ignore. In India, one's career is not just restricted to his/her own self. There's a multitude of emotions and sentiments of various individuals, including friends and family, along with one's own opinion, that contribute towards what career one finally ends up pursuing. I was torn between hopes and possibilities. The mental battle persisted for a long time until I finally took the plunge and switched to Arts.

The queue for the admission form for Arts was quite long. Maybe it was sheer anxiety, or maybe studies had become a challenge that made getting a degree feel like a monumental task. I had explored all the aspects of human thinking by the time my Arts programme began. After struggling for three years with what could have been a memorable brush with college studies, nothing, absolutely nothing made sense, at once. When I should have felt secure in the knowledge that I finally had a chance of changing the path on which my life was treading, I was deprived of all my emotions. All of this, which eventually changed, made me hit rock bottom. All that could have ever gone wrong had already occurred. All the kinds of advice and opinion I would ever receive were already taken into consideration. The time to remain helpless and hope for change was up. It was time to implement correct actions and wise decisions. The best way out was acting upon where my interests lied. All the external voices had to die down.

It's been over five years since my travails began. The journey has been riddled with several highs and lows. Many people pride themselves in achieving great successes and milestones; but, I pride myself in surviving all the odds. Any or every kind of physical harm keeps up the façade of there being a battle; but, I say, the real battle is all about fighting what lies within and to constantly strive to heal wounds that are not translucent, but powerful enough to determine the human trajectory. My battle is beginning to become a distant past; and it hasn't just revolved around getting my educational journey back on track. It has also matured into wonderfully enlightening me on aspects that try to look beyond one's self. And that's the genius of life. Some things are meant to happen for the greater good. And some things lack worth without a fair share of struggle.

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