My daily struggle

Have you imagined what the struggles of the women of the previous generations were, while you continue performing some daily chores which are meant to be typical only to women? If, back then, an woman's daily struggle involved peacefully co-existing in a joint family, the struggle, today, is to take care of her family as well as of her work. If, back then, dealing with orthodoxy, which was commonplace, was a struggle, then, today, it is a struggle to keep our thoughts from moving forward at a pace which makes it difficult for the patriarchal Indian society to comprehend. The word 'struggle' is a relatively strong word and the reason why I call a lot of what we do, today, as part of our struggle is that despite having the freedom to choose what we do and lead our lives the way we wish to, the number of hurdles that come along the way, whether it is dealing with how we are a part of a generation that has ''changed'' all the stereotypes of womanhood or refraining from calling myself a feminist for the fear of being labelled anti-men among many other things, doesn't seem to dwindle.

There is a certain amount of trials that most 21st century, Indian women face irrespective of how they decide to live their lives. I have, vehemently, expressed some of those concerns, here.

- Every time I'm traveling alone post 10 p.m., my character and dignity are questioned. I have no option but to be subjected to the prying eyes of the so-called society. It doesn't matter to this 'society' whether I'm educated and belong to a virtuous and 'good' family, along with the fact it is only and only my and my closed ones' concern about where I'm till late before giving me any unsuitable tag.

- I may be a career-oriented, strong-minded and independent woman, who has her own set of goals to achieve, or be anything I wish to be but, I'm told in no uncertain terms that a woman is incomplete without a husband in her life.

-It is completely acceptable if a boy/man drinks and smokes and goes around with various women. It, in fact, becomes a matter of pride for him and his family if he is yearned for by many women, but on the same hand if a woman does this, she becomes a slut, who is a blot on her family. 

-If a woman raises her concerns and voices her opinion before following a custom, then she is not sanskari. Expecting a well-educated, independent woman to blindly follow customs and traditions is similar to expecting a person of royal stature to mouth expletives. It is just not possible! 

-Sometimes I feel that being well-read and educated acts as a curse given the kind of society we live in. It is not the hallmark of an independent-minded woman to live with a list of dos and don'ts, when it comes to the way she chooses to dress, the lifestyle she prefers to enjoy or the group of people she likes to hang out with among other things. 

-As a woman, I must be fair, tall, beautiful, well-educated and financially independent, while being able to drive a car, cook different varieties of food and take care of my family. And let me not forget the most important thing - I must not raise any questions and objections if my male counterpart doesn't fulfill those requirements.

-I'm a "feminist" if I support women and stand for their rights, and I'm a misogynist if I say that all men are not rapists and commitment-phobic.

-If I don't wax and wear make-up, or groom myself the way a stereotypical woman does, serious doubts are raised over my femininity. Relax. There is something known as being comfortable in one's own skin, and if one is happy with the way he/she, then that be it.

-You cannot be a woman and not marry before 25. On the other hand, you can be a man and choose to walk down the aisle at 40. Apparently, the reason for this is that a woman's beauty fades as she grows older, whereas a man becomes more handsome with age; and it is said that men have a thing for young women, and hence prefer to have them as a bride. 

-Every achievement, whether big or small, is received with one ultimate thought - But one fine day she has to get married. And if a woman is married, then the thought changes to - But her real job and achievement lies in doing what makes her husband and her family happy.

As much as I dislike cribbing and complaining, I strongly feel there is a dire need to tame our mentality, which is quite accustomed to seeing women as being sub-standard and inferior to men. The only flip side to talking about women empowerment and their rights is inadvertently admitting that men are considered to be the stronger sex by trying to equate women with men, when that is actually far from being true. 

Friendship day status: Friend zoned or zoned out?

When one grows up to be a young adult, every friendship day, now, is a reminder of the ones celebrated by tying a friendship band to all those we considered our friends. There was clearly no set, rigid definition of friendship, back then, and nor was there any ulterior motive behind forging one. Do you remember how the number of friendship bands one sported on his/her hand became a yardstick to determine the number of friends one had? Or so was believed to be the case. The higher the friendship bands on one's hand, the more popular was the person thought to be with his/her friends.

If friendship day fell on a weekday, then the fad of wearing all your bands to school and flaunting your popularity would become an activity of indulgence, which would end up becoming the talking point of the class. This act, which is now laughed upon when one thinks he/she has outgrown that ''childish'' behaviour, was a real source of joy.
Taking a classroom set-up, I have divided the friends that decided to give you a friendship band into various categories.
Friend A - Best friend; usually your class-sharing buddy since you started schooling.
                 This friend would always give a special friendship band, which would stand out from the
                  rest of the friendship bands one is sporting.
Friend B - Bench partner; someone you bonded with for the purpose of taking notes and during
                  mid-lecture boredom. And it also works to befriend someone whom you could borrow
                  a pen from or share a lunch-box with when you don't have one.
Friend C - There is always this one friend who is obligated to give you a friendship band because you
                  share the same friend group. It may be an onerous task to fulfill the formality of making
                  friends with those you may not otherwise have been friends  with had it not been for
                  your group of friends.
Friend D - There are always a few people who are constantly looking to fit the bill when it
                  comes to being accepted into a group of friends. This type of a person does not usually
                  have a lot of friends and is desperate to befriend anyone who is willing to extend the
                  olive branch to him/her.
Friend E - There are some sweethearts who, irrespective of how close you are to them, out of the
                 goodness of their hearts and in the true spirit of friendship tie a friendship band to all those
                 they are on friendly terms with.

The rush of nostalgia, while I think about the good old days, brings me to talk about one of the friendship days I celebrated as a school girl. I remember going to the market a day before friendship day some 9 to 10 years ago.  Colourful ribbon reels adorned the front shops, which sold stationery and toys. The market place, during any festival or special occasion, literally makes for a visual treat. I had pestered my mother to take me to a shop to get me some friendship bands. Since it was going to be my last year of schooling, I was very excited about giving a friendship band to all my friends in school. I bought a green ribbon reel and one lace-and-beads friendship band. The one with beads in it was for my closest buddy in school. I nicely divided the ribbon reel into some fifteen, equal-sized friendship bands. Since friendship day, that year, fell on a weekday, my excitement levels went through the roof. ''I'm so glad I'm getting to celebrate my last school friendship day with all my friends in school, itself,'' I thought to myself. Next day, upon reaching school, the first thing I did was take out all my friendship bands and move around the class tying them to all the people they were meant for. Soon, everyone who had carried friendship bands to school started tying them to all their friends. My wrist was glistening with all the bright colours there could possibly be. I realized that the friend for whom I was carrying the special friendship band having silver bead embellishments hadn't come to school. As sorry as I felt for her absence on this special day, I decided I would carry her friendship band to school the next day. Unfortunately, my friend was not able to come to school for the next few days and our study leave for the board exams was immediately scheduled to begin once she was supposed to resume coming to school. This only meant that I would not have an opportunity to meet her for the next few weeks. I remember calling up my friend to tell her how much I missed her in school, and how I couldn't felt sorry for not being able to celebrate the friendship day with her. Later, we mutually agreed to keep the friendship band we had bought for each other with ourselves, thinking that we had received it as the most special friendship day present during our last year of being in school from a special friend.

It has been almost a decade since that day, and both of us, to this day, have that friendship band with ourselves. We often laugh over the hysteria and our crazy antics from school days, but we never forget to remind each other of our bond, which has been made all the more special because of that one friendship band we treasure as one of our most valued possessions. Meanwhile, the friendship day that went by was nothing more than a reminder of how I could either choose to be friend zoned on Facebook by guys sending messages like ''Heya, you look so smart. Wanna be frienz?'' or remain zoned out. What do you think I should do?

Roses are red

Stealing shy glances, holding hands and promising to stand by each other's side till the end of eternity, or blowing the steaming hot porridge, incessantly, before gently pouring it in the other's mouth, while comfortable adjusting your sight to see that special someone carry out the most mundane chores and go about the daily activities are actions that certainly speak louder than words. And if this wasn't enough, then don't forget all the times you saved up those pennies to be able to buy a muffin from that high-end patisserie just to see the smile of disbelief on the face of the one you love. And what about all the jitters you experience when you see a message from that heart-stealer for which you were staring at your screen all day?

Love is indeed one of the most beautiful expressions mankind has ever known, and probably the most intense and glorious discovery that has been made, so far, as we continue to discover more facets to love along the journey of knowing someone better. Some may classify love as weakness, infatuation, intimacy, affection or soft spot, while some may classify it as passion, enthusiasm, taste or penchant. The feeling of looking into someone's eyes and finding everything you ever needed is akin to the most divine of experiences. Despite a ton of intense discussions and stories having caught widespread attention all thanks to the razzmatazz of love, there seems to be a never ending quest for exploring more aspects to this some-people-are-in-it-for-sex and almost surreal wonder of life.

It is unfair to call someone perverted if he/she proclaims to love physical indulgences with that special someone. But it is purely advantageous and horny when one views love purely as a mechanism to bond physically. Physical intimacy can never fill the void that is created in the absence of emotions. It then becomes a pure case of fulfilling one of the basic human necessities after food, shelter and clothing without which one can hardly function. It becomes a demand, which thrives on self-interest. I wonder if I'm the only one who finds the veil around sex, in the form of hushed whispers and considering it to be a taboo, overrated. There is certainly no need to hide something that is a result of the union of two souls who love one another. Where emotions are running high and the mental connect between two people is perfectly in sync, the need to bond physically comes as a by-product of what is ''organic'' love. The need to make it a vice arises when sex without love, which then becomes a business of prostitution, is witnessed. I've always thought quite positively about love at first sight. And to all those who say that an eye-contact cannot justify the claim of true love, an appearance is quite enough to unravel the mystery surrounding the person's externality. And the love stories which have literally begun with a glance, and have successfully catapulted into a lifetime of togetherness are proof of that one cannot evade the magnetism of love. So, to all the naysayers, infidelity is the result of lack of love and not the cause of instantaneous love.

The whole idea behind penning down something like Roses are red was to emphasize that there may be many occasions when one feels the urge to look outside of a relationship, be it for love or to satisfy his/her sexual urges. And in no way do I wish to opine that doing something like this is right or wrong. There are times when one is left with no option but to forcefully take a step behind and act in his/her self-interest, especially when all the tries to revive a relationship have gone in vain. But again, the real deal, here, is to realize how commonplace it has become to replace a partner, today. Have we run out of patience or tolerance to deal with difficulties? Or do we no more have the strength of character to remain loyal even when things are hunky dory? And this brings me to the ultimate question - Is it even love if you cannot stand the test of time? And do not forget, just like how roses are red, the grass always appears greener on the other side; and it may not be worth it to move across just to realize that the ground you've lost was indeed better. Ultimately, the choice is yours.