Survival

                                                                                                         Image Source: sapiensoup.com

If you are emotional, sensitive, over-thinking, anxious, or worrying, you are truly human!

“Will I be able to say what I’m thinking?”, “Would I be able to continue writing like I have been doing?”, “I hope my words don't get misinterpreted as lies”, and “Would they bother if I just disappeared?” among countless other passing thoughts, decided to make way, one fine day. Imagine thoughts like these piercing your actions and routine activities. And no, they did not just appear like a bolt from the blue. They were a result of a series of small, ignored upheavals, which could no longer be forced into silence and neglect. I couldn’t suppress my anxiety any longer, menfolk and womenfolk.

We may use the term ‘independence’ very commonly in today’s day and age, but little have we tried to extend its importance to our mental and emotional existence. I decided to become ‘independent’ the day I learnt about my existence in a patriarchal society. I have seen my mother emphasize the need to be financially independent if I wanted to have an identity of my own. I have been at the receiving end of complaints about how being a mother, wife and daughter-in-law is akin to filling a bottomless pit; it just dilutes your essence as a human being. Should I consider all those times when I was taught the importance of being able to travel alone and crack my own deals in the guise of independence? My father always treated me as someone who was equal to his son, if my level of independence was anything to go by. People who know me well know that I’m not the one to shy away from enjoying my share of limelight and attention. My independence adds to my overall confidence. So it may seem surprising in such a case to see a someone’s hand shiver, while holding a pen in front of a few people. How can a person that looks sound fear not being able to reach her destination that is just a few meters away? And this brings me to some important questions - Is physical and financial soundness of an individual enough to evade all the battles of life? If not, then why was I fed lies all this while?

It has been disheartening, moreover, after I developed and reeled from severe anxiety, to know that in a nation like India, mental health issues still carry enough stigma to make serious conjectures about one’s identity. As a child, I remember being scared into sanity with a warning of having to be taken to a psychologist/psychiatrist. “You must go visit a psychiatrist” is still a commonly used phrase, doubled as a joke-talk in many a friend circle. The problem is that we have seen our minds as closets. They cannot be revealed to everybody, and the contents of one must carefully remain contained. It is usually our association of independence with what meets the eye that decide our joy and sorrow. And till this persists, most of us may just refuse to address the elephant in the room.