The Stage That Is WhatsApp

                                                   

My mother was never a mobile-savvy person! If you read the previous sentence carefully, then you would have noticed the exclamatory mark tries to lend surprise/shock towards the current reality, because WhatsApp now rocks my mother’s spare time. My mother is a part of 42 group chats, and while every group has a purpose, like she says, the one that really cracks me up is titled “Only Ladies Gossip Group”. As interesting as the name sounds, the contents of the group chat are even more interesting. I would like to save more details and insights about this group for another post, with my mother’s approval, of course, but that group isn’t the only thing I find fascinating. 

I, for one, have for long found the existence of online chatting very interesting; one that tickles my idiosyncrasies. Be it the very nature of group chats, the diversity in the participants of a group, or just the activity that forms a part of any WhatsApp group, I find every aspect of this messaging platform uniquely engaging and anecdotal. As a WhatsApp user myself, and an active one at that, among the many things about WhatsApp that make me tick, I find imagining the app as a stage, a chat group as a play, and the participants as performers, to be highly indulgent and amusing. And thus, in keeping with the purpose of all the fun, random, official, not-so-official, personal, gossip and friendly WhatsApp groups, among many others, here is a shout-out to the different types of people who co-exist in the world of every WhatsApp group chat.        

1) Compulsive Spammers - These are the ones in charge of filling up all the silent moments on a group. It is upon them that the onus of sending daily forwards, good morning and good night wishes lies. What’s more interesting is that most of these “spammers” are also unofficial carriers of breaking news, sharing every other “trending story” much before the official sources can break them.

2)  Avid Responders - If there’s any one thing in life I cannot seem to understand, after why Nutella isn’t tax free, then it is understanding when a conversation can be called over. Not only do people in this category respond to a non-questioning emoji with an unjustified smiley every single time, but also I have encountered many a person effortlessly revive a conversation, days after I have thought of it to be over. And there are no extra points for guessing that these are the same people who avoid “seeing” a message for days, just to ensure there is always a purpose to reconnect. Hm….

3) Flies on the wall - I love how, despite being oblivious to everything that transpires on a group, these onlookers, who are some of the first ones to see all of the group’s activity, are the kind of audience that only give up their seats after the show is over. Let’s be honest, 60% of every group comprises “flies on the wall”.

4) In-betweeners - Striking a balance between a WhatsApp butterfly and an unapologetic hibernator, is someone who keeps every response to-the-point, and formal at best. If you feel obligated to give your reply, just because you are guilty of reading a message and you fear being shameless, or better still, if your activity or response always falls within the realm of a purpose or a situation, then look for an “in-betweener" in you.

5) Event Markers - I don't have enemies, but I have complaints. Against people who lead a group in sending obligatory birthday or anniversary messages, especially for someone who is not on the group. God bless all those large family or friendly WhatApp groups, where the closer family member(s) or friend(s) carries the onus of passing on the wishes for the absentees. And let’s not talk about changing the name and icon of the group as per occasions!

6) Copy Cats - A few days ago, I checked my phone to see 86 messages on a group, all a reaction to the news of a close contact’s demise. And a majority were exact copies of each other. Unfortunately, more drama was to unfold when someone forgot to change the name in the message. Such is life, ladies and gentleman! I’m sure the deceased would be having a good laugh over our mortal antics.

7) Lazed Linguists - Writing is either a form of self-expression or a means of interaction, but the reality may be a little different for those who make it look like a grim story of words going through mutilation, after having fallen off a roller-coaster. What else possibly explains why one “cnt tk”.

8) Emoji-only Essayists - Emojis to their loyalists are what Java is to a coder. So if you’re thinking emojis are add-ons, then think again. To those who swear by the existence of these fun-looking characters, they constitute a language which allows them to encapsulate what could be an almost-75-word message, with just six emojis. Or so my friends suggest, when they reply to my “Hello. How are you doing? I hope you’re having all the fun on this long-awaited trip to Switzerland. I have been following your Instagram stories and posts, and I must say I’m jealous seeing you two enjoying romantic dates in the Alps and exploring the hidden treasures of this country. I’m yet to believe you actually went skiing. And, I cannot wait to hear about your adventures and experiences, once you come back. Take care. I love you both,” with ❤️️🎄🎿❄️👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨🍫. On a different note, don’t you think I deserve better friends? 

As I’m scrolling to the top of the emoji list, I have noticed a WhatsApp message popping in the notification bar. Guess what, it reads “Hey, sorry I just saw your message. Anyway, what are your plans for the weekend?” I guess life before blue ticks wasn’t that bad!