Growing Up

One of the biggest forces of life is the process of aging and evolution. It is this cycle of life, from birth to death, infancy to old age and childhood to adulthood, that breathes hope into the very existence of mankind. However, despite knowing there is going to be an end to our journey on earth, we view death as an evil that is not meant to be. Well, that is something many of us, mere mortals, do.

I was talking to a close friend today, whose father is in a serious condition, as he battles a low heart rate. I have known my friend for almost ten years, since we were started our bachelor's programme, and watching her and her family navigate this turmoil seems almost personal. That is the power of close bonds and friendships, right? You grow to know someone so well, that eventually they, and everything related to them, become a part of your life and core reference group. As your lives start getting more intertwined, every conversation or bonding session starts having multiple touchpoints

I'm two months short of my 30th birthday. If you think approaching the big thirty is already giving me jitters, then you are not completely wrong. I'm thrilled about entering a new decade of life and exploring what comes with it, but what's unnerving is knowing that I have reached an age where a lot of people in my age group have started losing a parent. Now that is something which catalyses the journey of growing up for me. I believe one grows up in many respects, after experiencing the loss of a parent, especially when the loss is a premature one.

Without further analyzing the lows of turning older, I would like to look at the one big gain of growing up - wisdom. After contemplating the impact of a personal loss for quite some time, I have made peace with the knowledge that real pain does not really lie in life or death, but in suffering. Knowing that we are all destined for an end someday, as long as people get to make a peaceful departure from the worldly throes, I think I can manage to keep looking young irrespective of what age I'm at.

The Awakening

Despite the phenomenal advancement the human race makes in science and technology, we can never be immortal. Death or what happens after that is something that consumes a big part of why we hope, and the fact that we are all destined for an end is probably what makes our time, our life precious. Can you imagine being in the same body, going about the same daily chores, being surrounded with the people you know as family and friends, and basically just existing, endlessly? 

Our society has largely stigmatized death. Death is looked down upon as the inevitable evil that evicts you out of this world. Most conversations surrounding a death usually steer towards an expression of pain and loss. Many find avoiding the topic of death, or refraining from talking about a departed soul to be a good way out of validating the reality of death altogether. While one is entitled to have his/her own way to deal with death, death is real and purposeful, much beyond human imagination.

It’s been four months since I lost the most adorable pet; my best friend and my biggest champion. My “good boy” was a 13-year-old in the body of a five-year old; lively and playful till the very end of his life. To anyone who has lived with a pet, losing them can be one of the more life-shattering moments of your life.

Seeing my dog go felt like a part of me was leaving with him. It did. He knew me in a way nobody else did, so much so that every time I felt low or anxious, he fed off my emotions. Moreover, I felt responsible for him, like a parent does for a child, and the loss of a non-human baby can be just as devastating, but the powerful force that death is, one eventually learns to find lasting peace in it.

To those who may not know, I was never keen on getting home a dog, before Lucky came along. In fact, no one in my or my family’s close circle of friends had a pet until then. Before we could grasp the arrival of a five-week-old golden retriever puppy, he became the perfect riot our family of four needed. He took over our lives with insurmountable amounts of joy, craziness, love and companionship. My parents found their third child in him, who always stayed by their side like a dutiful and doting child, while my brother and I couldn’t stop being in awe of his cuteness and smartness. Calling him the pride of our family wouldn’t be an exaggeration by any means.

As years went by, Lucky’s presence in our lives became more central. He was a part of our good times and bad times, fights and celebrations, and achievements and failures. The pleasure of entering the house at the sight of his wagging tail and his favourite toy in his mouth was hard to not fall for. He lived to be surrounded by his loved ones, and, if you knew him, it would be no surprise that he could not watch anyone, especially his family, in pain. 

Cut to a little past his 13^th birthday, the “dog” whom I once cradled in my arms and nurtured with everything I had, and who, in turn, breathed hope and compassion in me all his life, was lying, blissfully unfazed by the intense sobs of his family, or by the lure of his favourite belongings. That moment marked the powerful force that death is. It gave a beautiful closure to a life that had served its purpose.

While his illness gave me time to accept what was to eventually come, it changed my perspective about death. I started looking at death as the ultimate healer, for it was the best way to channel my anxiety about having to see my dog go through extreme pain. I was finally prepared to bite the bullet and let my beloved boy go.

The life cycle of a living being is akin to that of a car. When you drive your brand new car out of the car showroom for the first time, it is normal to be extra careful and ensure that the car remains untouched by dents and scratches. You may also refrain from going very fast, to avoid messing with its system. As days pass, you may find yourself being more at ease with the car, and slowly get back to your regular driving. Over a period of time, small dents and scratches on your car may become common, leading to more acceptance with the reason of its long use. As years go by and the car’s performance starts declining, the thought of selling or giving the car away becomes a reality. There’s not much you can do, but move on trying to feel good about all the years you spent with it.