Can't Stop! Won't Stop!

 It’s 2:21 a.m. right now in Singapore. So technically, it’s already Friday, but I always mark a new day after I wake up in the morning. Except for on birthdays. And anniversaries. It’s just a way to make special occasions different from the rest and let the fun last longer.  

If you’re thinking about what makes me sit on my computer at such an unearthly hour, I’m trying to mask my procrastination skills under the garb of convenience and choice. It’s been three weeks since I decided to get back to writing regularly. I have planned to put up two posts a week for the blog, one on Tuesday and one on Thursday. While I have so far been able to stick to the schedule (um… almost!), the one thing I have realised, as a sort of confirmation, is that I’m not just a procrastinator, but a highly evolved one at that. And secondly, I’m a night owl who cringes at the thought of waking up to an alarm.

This blog has been my haven for a decade now. It’s what kept me going when the going got tough. It allows be to be my most vulnerable self while channelling my thoughts towards strengthening my inner voice. The last couple of years got me a little distant from this core space, thanks to moving to a different country and settling into the normalcy of marriage (yet another example of my procrastination skills).

This post is not just a random one aimed at keeping this space active, but also a reminder, to myself, about what writing means to me and the gratitude that fills me up when I see some of you keep on coming back to read my words. I may not always live up to your expectations or the reason why you choose to consume my writing, but the one thing I promise without any exaggeration is that every view on my blog just gives me a bigger reason to continue along this journey. For the little community of readers I have built. So, thank you.

 

Pushing Through Patriarchy

In the age of artificial intelligence and active attempts to colonize Mars, realizing that we still exist in a patriarchal society is more disorienting than seeing a super fit athlete frequently eating a diet of unhealthy food. Yet, the larger society continues to advance towards the next big thing with a leash on.

Patriarchy as a concept looks like a conveniently twisted ploy under the garb of nature’s law. Why else would the prehistoric practice or idea of men being hunters or food gatherers and women being nurturers or child-bearers in an uncivilized society mean that men are superior to women even in the 21^st century? This should rather be looked upon as a fine management of two complimenting resources in today’s leadership-driven world.

Today, especially in the Indian society, the participation of women in workforce has increased manifold. Kudos! Women are independent and, more importantly, women have started to find a voice that hold its own through many a storm. Yet, this alone is not enough to fight the patriarchal mindset.

One must remember that the larger goal is the acceptance of and respect towards everything that womanhood stands for. Whether a woman is a fully devoted mother or a top-ranking leader of a country, she must be regarded on equal grounds solely because she is as much a member of our society as anyone else.

For starters, patriarchy must first be tackled at a mental level before its physical manifestation. And we need both men and women to contribute collectively to see a change. After all, like Nobel Laureate Shirin Ebadi says, “Women are not just victims of this patriarchal society, but they are also its carriers. Let us keep in mind that every oppressive man was raised in the confines of his mother’s home.”

                                                                            

 

 

You Do You

 This seemingly uncomplicated phrase can well be the solution to some of the greatest our problems. It stands for how one should represent himself/herself in a way that best highlights everyone’s individual self.  

As of October 2024, the world population stands at 8.2 billion. With the human species sharing nearly 99.9% DNA, you can take any two people from two extreme ends of the world and still see that they will both bleed if they get a cut, or that they will both sweat in a place with a temperature of 50 degrees. Despite sharing almost all of our DNA with other human beings, the 0.1% difference stands to markedly distinguish one from the others.

With so many overlapping common traits, characteristics and features, there is a sense of fear, insecurity and competition. However, at the core of every human personality is the need for belonging and acceptance. Imagine if we all encouraged everyone to hold to their 0.1% variants and trust them to be the best with their individuality.

You do you. The world would be less insecure and judgemental, if we collectively tried to live by this saying. I emphasize the word “tried”, because an effort is all one ever needs. To make a difference. And such things usually need a more voluntary approach to see effect. Anything over and above that is a campaign.

So, are you ready to embrace the world with You do you?

 

 

Technology: Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow

 As an Indian millennial in the 21^st century, I proudly say, especially to the Gen Z folks, that I have been a part of both worlds – one where technology had a negligible role, and now, in a world where AI is already penetrating every sphere of human existence.

I grew up during a time when technology had little to no influence in my life. In the 90s, a computer in an Indian household was primarily used for three main things – Microsoft Word, Paint and Solitaire. Internet Explorer was largely unheard of up until the start of the millennium. Back then, having a computer meant that reserving a considerable section of your room to fit the big dabba that came with the monitor and a CPU, which had the capacity to get as hot as a burning oven and sounding like a breathless rat in no time. There was also a full-size keyboard, which often went into the table drawer along with a moody mouse and its wholesome wire. If you also had a printer, you easily sacrificed a third of an average-size room.

My family first bought a handset when I was 12. A Nokia 6610i (oh, so nostalgic!), the six-inch device got everyone around us, including our extended family, talking and asking to see it with a sense of wonderment. What was meant to be my father’s handset was used by six people, with more than half the people (read: children) hooked on the only game on the phone - Bounce. For your reference, some of the keys on the phone became stuck just within the first few weeks of getting the phone, which resulted in a complete ban on the game and a whole lot of pleas and crocodile tears.

It's been 20 years since the early days of Internet Explorer. As I look back on my life and the years gone by, I can easily chart the evolution of technology, year on year, just like the way I’m able to analyse my own trajectory. We are at an age when the reference to technology sounds as yesteryear as the early days of television sets and telephones. 20 years hence, same would be the case with artificial intelligence, but the one thing that is likely to remain same through the constant state of evolution is the ability to compare where we were and where we are. And that, hopefully, is enough to add that little spark to our existence.

 

My Journey to Self-Discovery

A months after my 23^rd birthday, I channeled my innate feelings and unspoken thoughts for the first time, only to experience liberation. While many think of this kind of an outpour to be an introvert’s resort, I believe every human carries the need, or the want, for a safe space. A place to just be.

While some may find this space in the company of people who get them, some may find it in the comfort of music or sports, or even meditation, among other things. I started a blog in December 2016. Imagine the nervousness of being a student and walking into a new classroom without knowing any of your classmates. During the first few months, every time I hit “Publish” on my screen, my state of mind was akin to being an out-of-place student.

Soon enough, putting pen to paper soon became my haven. As my words unleashed a torrent of emotions, all the anxiety, fear and confusion suddenly found a way out. A mere exercise of journalling my thoughts started feeling like catharsis. I had just found my safe space.

 8 years down the line, a few lakh words, several professional writing assignments and a degree in Creative Writing later, the motive behind coming back to the keyboard remains the same. With every new writing task, I’m still a student walking into a new classroom, except that now this student has discovered her voice and can hold her own in a crowd.

 

 

Kanda Poha and a Hazelnut Cappuccino

 A few years ago, a peer of mine once told me that people who leave their countries to live in another country, even if it is for as short a period as a year or two, always lead dual lives. Back then, I found this statement to be quite blatant and unfounded, but that may well be the truth.

My life in India was comfortable as it could get, like is the case with most Indian kids who live their parents. If you are a single child living with your family, then you can easily find yourself in the category of privileged kids. And more so, if are your mother’s ladla beta. While I don’t belong to any of these categories, I was free from any household responsibilities. Not only was I never expected to cook, but I also often enjoyed fully prepared meals of my choice. Seeing my crumpled clothes in the laundry basket magically appear in my cupboard the next day, fully ironed, was a reality. No matter what time I woke, the maid would be quick to make the bed. Getting champis from my mother or hearing my dad’s voice fill up with concern, while he strokes my head most gently, are some add-ons to a life of all the things I enjoyed in India.

Two years ago, I left India to live in Singapore. It’s no guess that my life changed to a very large extent. I’ve pretty much adjusted myself to my current life out of India, with a few bouts of homesickness here and there.  My definition of comfort has seen a huge shift. Today, every simple, home-cooked meal holds a lot of value. Having someone over is so rare that, much unlike my reaction when the doorbell rings in India, I always answer the doorbell with a lot of anticipation. I never thought that the sight of a growing pile of laundry would get me anxious. Consequently, seeing my clothes washed, dried and folded comes with a big relief. There are several comforts on my current list that I’m leaving out for now.

Looking back on my life in India, I’m realise how I’m finding comfort in all the things I once took for granted. However, during the times when I feel like it’s all getting too much, all I do is eat a phulka roti dipped in a steaming-hot cup of Nescafe coffee to make everything all right.

Thirty-One For Real

 I turned 31 this September, and the old adage “Time and tide wait for none” has never seemed any truer than it does in this moment. I wonder if it’s just me, but I somehow find myself associating more and more with the age I’m no longer at.

The thirties are generally the defining decade of your life, or so I’ve heard. Be it flourishing in your career, growing your family, or being old enough to be called a responsible man or woman, this fourth decade of life honestly makes me feel a little too overwhelmed. It’s sort of hilarious to see myself desperately looking into the mirror and saying. “I look 28 or maybe 29 at best, but certainly not 30 or more.” Simultaneously, my inner voice eerily tries to soothe my anxiety by reminding me that age is just a number. However, I’m not yet ready to take this, because adulting is real and I ain’t comfortable enough to accept that my mum was already a mother of two at my age.

As I reflect on the years that have gone by, my biggest realisation is that time is a thief. A big, bad wolf kind of a thief. Under the garb of growth, it has swiped off my childhood and thousands of precious moments with my loved ones, which I held onto as tightly as I could, only in vain. It has often managed to change my good times into bad. The evil force that time is, it has compelled my once youthful and energetic individuals to slow down, as they now lead their lives as senior citizens. If this is not enough, time has stripped me of the presence of some of my most beloved people, all while relegating them to mere memories.

At this point, I’m pondering over whether I’m more resistant to change than the idea of time itself. My current battle is more about trying to fight the anxiety that comes with the fear of tomorrow than about the past which is not the same as the present. And it is the hope that comes with the anxiety towards a future, which makes the race against time worth it.

 

 

Growing Up

One of the biggest forces of life is the process of aging and evolution. It is this cycle of life, from birth to death, infancy to old age and childhood to adulthood, that breathes hope into the very existence of mankind. However, despite knowing there is going to be an end to our journey on earth, we view death as an evil that is not meant to be. Well, that is something many of us, mere mortals, do.

I was talking to a close friend today, whose father is in a serious condition, as he battles a low heart rate. I have known my friend for almost ten years, since we were started our bachelor's programme, and watching her and her family navigate this turmoil seems almost personal. That is the power of close bonds and friendships, right? You grow to know someone so well, that eventually they, and everything related to them, become a part of your life and core reference group. As your lives start getting more intertwined, every conversation or bonding session starts having multiple touchpoints

I'm two months short of my 30th birthday. If you think approaching the big thirty is already giving me jitters, then you are not completely wrong. I'm thrilled about entering a new decade of life and exploring what comes with it, but what's unnerving is knowing that I have reached an age where a lot of people in my age group have started losing a parent. Now that is something which catalyses the journey of growing up for me. I believe one grows up in many respects, after experiencing the loss of a parent, especially when the loss is a premature one.

Without further analyzing the lows of turning older, I would like to look at the one big gain of growing up - wisdom. After contemplating the impact of a personal loss for quite some time, I have made peace with the knowledge that real pain does not really lie in life or death, but in suffering. Knowing that we are all destined for an end someday, as long as people get to make a peaceful departure from the worldly throes, I think I can manage to keep looking young irrespective of what age I'm at.

The Awakening

Despite the phenomenal advancement the human race makes in science and technology, we can never be immortal. Death or what happens after that is something that consumes a big part of why we hope, and the fact that we are all destined for an end is probably what makes our time, our life precious. Can you imagine being in the same body, going about the same daily chores, being surrounded with the people you know as family and friends, and basically just existing, endlessly? 

Our society has largely stigmatized death. Death is looked down upon as the inevitable evil that evicts you out of this world. Most conversations surrounding a death usually steer towards an expression of pain and loss. Many find avoiding the topic of death, or refraining from talking about a departed soul to be a good way out of validating the reality of death altogether. While one is entitled to have his/her own way to deal with death, death is real and purposeful, much beyond human imagination.

It’s been four months since I lost the most adorable pet; my best friend and my biggest champion. My “good boy” was a 13-year-old in the body of a five-year old; lively and playful till the very end of his life. To anyone who has lived with a pet, losing them can be one of the more life-shattering moments of your life.

Seeing my dog go felt like a part of me was leaving with him. It did. He knew me in a way nobody else did, so much so that every time I felt low or anxious, he fed off my emotions. Moreover, I felt responsible for him, like a parent does for a child, and the loss of a non-human baby can be just as devastating, but the powerful force that death is, one eventually learns to find lasting peace in it.

To those who may not know, I was never keen on getting home a dog, before Lucky came along. In fact, no one in my or my family’s close circle of friends had a pet until then. Before we could grasp the arrival of a five-week-old golden retriever puppy, he became the perfect riot our family of four needed. He took over our lives with insurmountable amounts of joy, craziness, love and companionship. My parents found their third child in him, who always stayed by their side like a dutiful and doting child, while my brother and I couldn’t stop being in awe of his cuteness and smartness. Calling him the pride of our family wouldn’t be an exaggeration by any means.

As years went by, Lucky’s presence in our lives became more central. He was a part of our good times and bad times, fights and celebrations, and achievements and failures. The pleasure of entering the house at the sight of his wagging tail and his favourite toy in his mouth was hard to not fall for. He lived to be surrounded by his loved ones, and, if you knew him, it would be no surprise that he could not watch anyone, especially his family, in pain. 

Cut to a little past his 13^th birthday, the “dog” whom I once cradled in my arms and nurtured with everything I had, and who, in turn, breathed hope and compassion in me all his life, was lying, blissfully unfazed by the intense sobs of his family, or by the lure of his favourite belongings. That moment marked the powerful force that death is. It gave a beautiful closure to a life that had served its purpose.

While his illness gave me time to accept what was to eventually come, it changed my perspective about death. I started looking at death as the ultimate healer, for it was the best way to channel my anxiety about having to see my dog go through extreme pain. I was finally prepared to bite the bullet and let my beloved boy go.

The life cycle of a living being is akin to that of a car. When you drive your brand new car out of the car showroom for the first time, it is normal to be extra careful and ensure that the car remains untouched by dents and scratches. You may also refrain from going very fast, to avoid messing with its system. As days pass, you may find yourself being more at ease with the car, and slowly get back to your regular driving. Over a period of time, small dents and scratches on your car may become common, leading to more acceptance with the reason of its long use. As years go by and the car’s performance starts declining, the thought of selling or giving the car away becomes a reality. There’s not much you can do, but move on trying to feel good about all the years you spent with it.

Weighty Issues

A few years ago, I chose a rigorous workout plan and almost starved myself, to lose 12 kilograms in three months. So disastrous were the repercussions of my weight loss programme that my body was depleted of several essential nutrients and vitamins, and it was only after nine months of struggle and compensation that I could feel healthy again. During the phase of recuperation, I regained all the weight I had lost and I was back to being my normal, plump self. 

Today, I feel pumped to lose some kilograms once every few weeks, or should I say months. Whether it is getting inspired by someone’s weight loss regime, learning about an exciting workout plan, or just watching the bulge around my stomach increasing, I end up making up my mind to give up chocolates (my biggest weakness) and all things fattening, until I discount a lot of the terms and conditions to make any plan more feasible for my body. After many attempts at losing weight, some successful and some, well, were just relegated to ideas, almost everything I did, apart from my walks, felt forceful. 

I recently decided to completely avoid salt in my food for an entire day in a week, which seemed more like a challenge and less like a chore, and boy, I wonder why this idea evaded me this long. With all the food being the same, I was surprised to see how my body reacted to this change. If you talk about the taste of my food, yes, there were very few compromises. The spices in my food overpowered the taste of my saltless platter, and my body hasn’t reacted better to this technique. 

As I plan to continue with this method of losing weight, I feel responsible towards people around me, especially the youth,in letting them know that every body has a different equilibrium, and it’s best to know what suits your body before you make a decision for your health. And don’t forget, less weight can never classify as a sign of good health.